A Brass Mishap
by Rutilus I. V
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Vincent decides to help Yuffie, but the couple didn't expect Cid to eavesdrop...


A/N: Just a silly holiday one-shot I thought of earlier today in a moment of boredom. I blame any pervertedness on my inner Chaos muse. ;D

Also, if any of you are wondering what in the world happened to my other story, "Tripudio Viridis Quod Rutilus Incendia Virgo", don't worry, it was just on a temporary hiatus due to work, and it will be updated again soon-ish. I may start a Yuffentine with one-sided YuffiexReno soon as well. :)

Cheers,

Rutilus

* * *

Vincent Valentine was normally quite content, even fond of silence. It had always been his fond companion through the ordeals of enduring turbulent nightmares of his past, especially in the calm bitter cold of a night such as this.

Although the rest of his teamates were probably heading to bed, eagerly awaiting the excitement of one of the most anticipated festivities of the year, the dark gunslinger preferred the calm before the storm. Too much joy at once was not only overwhelming, but almost caused him to suffer a sensation of claustrophobia.

But even after being dragged by Tifa and Yuffie, along with a helpless Cloud, to go on a giant Christmas shopping spree, where there was not only an overabundance of squealing children and over-abused holiday carols manipulated for advertising purposes, Vincent was finding something more and more hard to not admit...

The silence was just too quiet.

He almost - _almost_ mind you - was wishing for some human company, even the wild and overly enthusiastic ravings of a certain ninja.

Glowing red eyes squinted down from the rooftop of Seventh Heaven, then closed with a sigh.

_T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a -_

"WHAT THE #^&*!!!! THAT STUPID OLD FART! WHAT'S HIS F***ING PROBLEM?!?!?!"

_...Or not._

Alas, the evening's peace, along with his internal monologue, had easily been shattered by a shrieking from Yuffie's room.

With a blur of his tattered red cape, he swiftly slipped down from the roof to the second floor window ledge, gently rapping on the glass.

* * *

"Gawd DAMMIT Vinny! You nearly gave me a heart attack," was the ninja's version of a greeting as she opened the window to let him in.

Brushing off some snow, Vincent raised an eyebrow in response at her ironic comment, but Yuffie paid him no heed, immediately launching into an incoherent, panicky rant.

"...And I can't BELIEVE he seriously expects me to DO that! In front of all those people! I can't...p-perform!"

The gunslinger glimpsed a wadded piece of official-looking parchment in her shaking fist, taking it despite her verbal and physical protests.

Yuffie eventually calmed down, her snivels the only sound in the room for a few minutes as he scanned the contents of the letter. It was signed _Emperor Godo Kisaragi_, and "required her immediate response to partake in a performance before an audience for entertainment purposes by the evening of the 26th of December".

After several awkward moments of silence for the shinobi, the stoic demon-possessed man sighed, looking down from the paper. She could detect a sudden flicker of mixed emotions in his expression for a moment.

"Yuffie..."

"Look, I don't wanna talk about it, so let's just go on and forget this ever happened, alright?"

Vincent's gaze dropped to the floor. "If it would be of any use," he murmured slowly, "I...would be willing to assist you."

Yuffie's head jumped up sharply, and she cocked her head sideways curiously at him.

Wordlessly, the gunslinger crossed the room to the door, and began heading down the hall towards the room set aside for his intermittant visits. Confused but intrigued, Yuffie decided to follow.

* * *

Cid Highwind was in the middle of brushing his teeth when he heard odd noises coming from upstairs. Immediately deciding to investigate, he grabbed his trusty spear and stealthily crept up, taking care to avoid the creaky stairs, so as not to alert an intruder. He blinked in shock for a moment when he heard pieces of an odd conversation coming through a crack in the door of Vincent's room.

_No...the brat and the vamp? It couldn't be..._

But the more he eavesdropped at the doorway, the more his eyes bulged, and it became an increasingly difficult struggle with himself to not burst in and give Vince a good piece of his mind, like the father-figure he was to the d*** brat.

* * *

"But...I don't know how to..."

"Yuffie, trust me, it's alot easier than it looks. I can teach you...that is, if you're willing to learn this...instrument, as old as it is."

"GASP! Vinny, did you actually say more than five words!?"

"..."

"And now you're just gonna be all emo again on me, huh?"

"Are you going to be serious about this, or not?"

"Yesyesyesyes! Of course! Um..."

* * *

A few odd wet, spitlike sounds and a few moans later...

"Vinny, I can't do it! I can't!"

"Please be careful, that cannot be replaced."

"....why not Vin-vin? It's not like you can't get a new one."

"My...parents gave that to me...I'd just rather not have to replace it with another piece of metal, unless absolutely necessary."

"Hey Vinny, what's this rubber thing?"

"That...goes inside of-"

* * *

Cid finally cracked and threw open the door, positively fuming, cigarette still lit and clenched in his teeth.

"Alrigh' would somebody please tell me jus' what the HELL's going on?!"

Vincent blinked in surprise at the pilot's sudden arrival.

Yuffie was grinning from ear to ear, however.

"Hey old man! Look what I can do!"

If by this point the reality of the situation had not set in for Cid, it finally did when Yuffie was playing fart-like honks on an old trumpet with a mute in it on Vincent's floor.

Completely embarrassed about his earlier suspicions, the pilot quickly mumbled a hurried excuse to leave "for another smoke" before his perverted mind conjured any other unwanted false realities.

Yuffie, for her part, appeared completely baffled at Cid's sudden departure, before huffing at her lack of skills playing the trumpet, while the gunslinger slowly put two and two together, and a distinct blush appeared on his pale face.

* * *

A/N: XDD Just for the record, this was a LOT of fun to throw together, and I almost made an alternate ending here. Depending on the response this gets, I may continue or make another holiday one-shot. ^_^ Anywho, have a great Merry Christmas!


End file.
